Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
