the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
