office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
