***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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