ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We got so high we made milksteak
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I love you.
Bad choice
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
