i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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