i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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