Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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