Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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