I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
