He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
