Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
