god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
