Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
