I wish life had little blips of pornography
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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