I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize