just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm too high and old for this...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
