piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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