so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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