One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
