he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
