I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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