Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
