I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Randomize