I haven't been this sober since birth.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
