Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize