We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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