My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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