we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
