Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
