i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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