What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Farmville is her only friend.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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