Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
