why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
