Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
