yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
