Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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