those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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