She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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