You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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