Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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