my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
