We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You are the jesus of drinking
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
