I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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