we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
