yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
