You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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