I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
