my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
