I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Randomize
