Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
