Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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