just come out here and I will go home with you...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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