what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Sorry about my life...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
