i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
