Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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