My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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