She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
